7 Tips to Help You Through a Painful Break Up

So you’re sitting home, alone, thinking about your ex… and feeling pretty miserable about the break up. Now, you’re not sure what to do. Where do you turn for help in dealing with your break up? Do you find a way to move on, or do you figure out how to get your ex back?

If you decide to move on:

You’ll probably need to find quite a bit of break up help, depending on how bad the break up was, and how long you and your ex were together. If you were in a long-term relationship that ended with a lot of emotional strife and personal drama, then of course you’re going to need plenty of time and support in order to heal.

If you decide to get back with your ex:

If you’re clearly still in love with your ex and have decided that the only way is to get your ex back, then you’re going to have to be even kinder with yourself. Nobody wants to be with someone who is an emotional wreck, so you’re going to have to allow yourself the time and resources to heal, and to let go of past hurts. Don’t sit around and blame yourself for decisions you made during your relationship, or for things that you and your ex said to each other. Blame and guilt aren’t going to do you any good… in fact, they will just hold you back from what you really want – to be with your ex again.

You have to understand that you and your ex are both human – you both did the best you could at the time, and you both made mistakes.

Whichever path you choose, here are 7 tips that will help you deal with your break up. No matter whether you decide to move on, or to get your ex back, these tips will give you the strength and direction you need to rebuild your life.

7 Break Up Help Tips:

1) Make sure that you are looking out for yourself and tending to your own emotional needs. When going through a painful break up, many of us concentrate on the needs of our ex, instead of our own needs. That’s understandable, because after all, we still love them. But your ex is no longer your responsibility, at least for now, so you have to focus on yourself… no matter how difficult that may be.

2) Don’t be ashamed to talk to a professional if need be. You might think your break up problems are silly and insignificant, but the emotions you’re dealing with are very real – a break up can be an incredibly traumatic experience. A professional can help you put everything back into perspective, and help you work through emotional issues much more quickly than going it alone.

3) If you have decided that the right choice is to get your ex back, then the best break up help you can find is someone who can help you develop a strategy for winning your ex back. Acting on emotion isn’t going to cut it. You need tried-and-true strategies that will put your ex back in your arms forever.

4) Take an honest inventory of your emotional state before you contact your ex. If you want to get back your ex, you’re going to have to appear strong and confident. As I noted earlier, no one wants to be with someone who is crying, depressed, or needy. If you’re not honest with yourself about your emotional state, you could end up making things much worse with your ex.

5) When it’s time to meet with your ex again (DON’T rush this), the two of you should meet somewhere neutral. Meeting in a place that holds strong memories of your past isn’t a good idea – couples in movies usually reconcile in the place where they first met, or where they first kissed… but in real life, this is a good way to overwhelm your ex and ruin the conversation.

6) Make sure you listen to your ex without judgment or strong emotions. Chances are, you’re not the only one dealing with issues from your relationship. You don’t have to agree with everything your ex says… but you do have to listen. You might hear something that will help you – even if the two of you don’t get back together. If you can avoid repeating a mistake in a future relationship, the meeting will have been well worth it.

7) After you meet with your ex, leave the lines of communication open, but don’t pester. Your ex has to make the decision about whether or not to contact you again. If your ex agrees to pursue the relationship again, great! If not, you will have taken the steps you need to emotionally let go. Letting go opens you up to a world of new possibilities – new experiences, new relationships… and new love. Either way, you’ll emerge a happier, healthier human being.

Relationship Help for Troubled Marriages

If you're like most people in troubled marriages, even the prospect of getting help seems pretty daunting. You've probably thought about marriage counseling... but a lot of us find that a bit embarrassing. There's something a bit unnerving about going into a complete stranger's office and dumping out all the dirty details of your marriage.

In fact, that's one of the two main reasons why marriage counseling doesn't work for most people. Going to a counselor for relationship help puts everyone on the defensive. Even though we know we need help, having a counselor pry into your life is just too uncomfortable for most of us. So we hold back.

What good does that do?

I mean, it's hard enough to admit that your relationship needs serious work. It can be even more difficult to convince your spouse that the two of you need help. But to go through all of that emotional turmoil, and then hold back on the details that are keeping the two of you from seeing eye to eye... yikes!

(In case you're wondering, the other main reason marriage counseling is ineffective is because counselors are trained to deal with individual problems, not relationship problems. Marriage counseling is most often just an "add-on" - and so most counselors aren't really qualified to give the advice that they provide.)

Another option for people in troubled marriages is the "couples retreat". This is a bit better option, because most of the real work takes place "behind the scenes", not in front of a counselor. The problem remains, though, is that you're getting advice from people who may or may not know what they're talking about. If your marriage is in real trouble, why take that chance?

Is it any wonder so many marriages are failing, when we're taking advice from dodgy sources?

I don't mean any disrespect to these folks. They're doing the best they can, and their hearts are in the right place. But the dismal success rate speaks for itself. Only about 20% of couples who enter marriage counseling or attend a couples retreat end up staying together.

So what do you do?

I've found a course that has a 90% success rate... and doesn't require trudging off to a counselor's office or spending a weekend in the woods.

What really helped me was the fact that I could read the course and start turning things around... my spouse wasn't interested in saving the marriage at first. There was no way we could have agreed to counseling.

From what I learned in the course, I was able to get my spouse interested again... and then we both used the material to build a relationship that is stronger and happier than ever!

The course is called Save the Marriage - if you're at a point where your relationship needs help, but you're the only one that's ready to change, it might be worth a look for you. The author says the course has saved thousands of troubled marriages... I can't really speak to that point, but I do know that it saved mine.

Welcome to Relationship Help

Welcome! I am glad you found this site, although I am sorry for what you are probably dealing with right now. See, if you have landed on Relationship Help, the problems in your relationship or marriage have probably gotten quite bad. The good thing is, you are actively seeking resources to help your marriage -- willingness is half the battle.

The question is, is your spouse or partner as willing to make changes in the relationship? Often times, one partner is not quite as interested in making the effort to save a marriage or relationship as the other partner. This is where many traditional sources of relationship help fail - marriage counseling, couples retreats, etc., require a commitment from both partners. If one partner is less than fully committed to saving the marriage or relationship, these resources are just a waste of time and money.

If you are in a position where your spouse or partner doesn't want to try to save your relationship, it can certainly feel like an uphill battle. You bear the responsibility of not only finding the resources to improve your relationship, but also of getting and keeping your partner interested. That's a lot to ask of anyone!

Fortunately, there are sources of relationship help that don't require you and your spouse to be on the same page -- at least not in the beginning. One of these is a course called Save the Marriage -- it teaches you the techniques for getting a relationship back on track, even if your partner isn't willing to try yet.

Again, welcome, and thanks for visiting. Be sure to check back often -- I will be providing much more information on the future to help you build a relationship that is happier and healthier than you have ever dreamed possible!